Wednesday, June 3, 2009

As the crow flies

Yesterday I saw two beautiful crows land in a neighbor's tree. I said hello and expressed my admiration for them. I asked if they had any wisdom to share with me. One of them looked right at me and said, "Must suck, not being able to fly."

When trying to get from point A to point B, it's rare that we get to travel in a straight line--as the crow flies. My journey towards wellness certainly hasn't taken me down the straight or easy path--but if it could have, then I probably wouldn't be sick.

Anyway, a lot has happened since my last substantial update, but there's not a lot to show for it. There have been a lot of subtle energetic shifts, both for me and around me. Rose, the Reiki and shamanic practitioner I see, came to our house to help us with this weird energy that I couldn't handle by myself. I couldn't describe what it was like, exactly, but Rose--after a puzzled moment--said, "It's like the ground isn't grounded."

Rose did some work, and we are planning to have an Earth despacho for the land on which our house sits. (I do not like to say "the property," since I don't think we actually "own" the land in any real sense.) There was some crow medicine moving stuff around, and I think the land/house/enviroment in which we reside, has started to breathe. Something stagnant or stuck has shifted, and I can feel tiny little movements as the energetic currents move and flow and find their true course.

The same has been happening for me on a personal level. All of it is very subtle, and if I tried to describe it, I'd sound even vaguer than I did above when describing the Earth energies. But some deeply rooted stuck energy is shifting; some of it is even finally being released.

I am feeling more grounded, connected, though there's still a long way to go.

Physically, I think I'm maybe possibly feeling a little bit better, too. I'd say that I've moved from the previous baseline of 20% of "normal" to something closer to 25 or 30%. Small, but it's there. I can't help but fear that this means I'm about to crash into another die-off/herx cycle, but I'm trying to enjoy what I've got.

I read a book. I did a few minutes of yoga. I planted tomatoes and peppers. All things that are small and simple, but represent a little forward movement. Even if every day between 4 and 6 PM I crash with a headache and nausea. Even if my sleep is restless and interrupted. Even if reading, yoga, and planting leave me far more exhuasted--mentally and physically--than is at all reasonable.

Yeah, it sucks not being able to fly directly where I want to be. But it is what it is, but crow medicine is that of magic, creation, and strength. And that is worth remembering.

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