An open letter to the Internet

OK, internet. Enough with the Lance Armstrong energy drink ads that say "Tired of being tired?"

Because I am so going to kick you in the teeth the next time I see it.

It's all the more annoying because I'm sure that Lance Armstrong, when he was being treated for cancer, would also have wanted to kick someone who asked him if he was tired of being tired, for the purposes of selling an energy drink.

You know what, internet? Forget kicking in the teeth. I'm going to summon every ounce of strength left in my diseased husk of a body and rip you limb from fricking limb. Then then I'll send your body, piece by piece, to your friends and family, tying each parcel closed with a snippet from your intestines.