Saturday, September 13, 2008

What we talk about when we talk about CFS

in 17 days i will turn 30. and i'll still be sick. there's little doubt about that.

in a little over two months, it will be the one year anniversary of the day i started to get a sore throat and feel tired. we had already rsvp'd to the potluck thanksgiving dinner, so i baked my apple crumble anyway, and we drove out to the party. we left a little early because i wasn't feeling well. i was annoyed that i was catching a cold.

i don't know what i'm doing with my life anymore. i don't feel like myself, at least the self i could be proud of. i used to tell people that i was an activist. i don't know what i am anymore.

(disclaimer: i know this sounds horribly whiney and self-pitying. tomorrow i'll probably read it and be embarassed about how self-involved i am. and i'll probably be in a better mood. and if you get the reference in the title of my post, you can see that i've not totally lost my sense of humor, as elite-uppity-English-major as it may be.)


  1. You're pretty much entitled to be whiney every once in a while - so there's no need to apologize! As for the implication you're no longer an activist, why don't you reread everything you've written here and elsewhere online and ask whether any of it does not serve the same ends as your "offline" activism - change through awareness and compassion? Sorry, you're still an activist as far as I can tell. ;)

  2. Oh Martin, you do know how to sweet talk a girl, don't you? If I didn't know better, I'd say you had a soft and creamy center underneath the crispy, crunch exterior... You could be a candy bar. We'd have to give you a silly name, naturally. Something like the Martinommer. I like that. Martinommer.

  3. I just stumbled upon your blog, and I can say I know how you feel, because I have been going through the same thing. I still can't find a good doctor where I live, and I feel like I've lost a bog chunk of my life. And I know what it feels like to think that everything you say sounds whiney and self-pitying; I worry about that all the time. But we have to let it out somehow, because if we don't, the sickness will drive us crazy. Just remember you're not alone. ((hugs))