Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hydromorphone and the Ugly Sick Pain Face

Last Friday I saw my pain management doctor. The methadone hives had returned by that point, so it was obvious that I had to switch medications. He prescribed 2 mg hydromorphone (common brand name: Dilaudid), after my insurance refused to cover his first choice, oxymorphone, or Opana; Opana, despite being developed around 1914 and introduced to the U.S. in 1959, is still only available as a brand name drug. So it's expensive. Like, ridiculously expensive.

Anyway, now I'm taking hydromorphone. It's not working. At least, it's not working at my current allowed dose. Which is why I'm awake and blogging at 1:00 AM. Tomorrow I'm going to call the pain management doctor and ask what I should do. It's possible that I need a larger dose, or that this medication just isn't right for me.

The joint and bone pain continues unabated. The bone pain isn't surprising, but I'd always been thankful that of all the crap I've got to deal with, at least I don't have the classic Lyme joint pain. It's mostly in my lower body--hips, knees, ankles, and all the tiny little joints in my feet.

The pain is causing me to make my Ugly Sick Pain Face. I grind my teeth and clench my jaw and scowl without realizing it. Until I look in the mirror. And then I'm all, "Damn! Where did that scary, ugly chick come from?"

I've told Nick that if the most severe of my Ugly Sick Pain Face Lines remain after I get well, I am seriously going to consider plastic surgery to smooth out my face just a little. Or else I will forever look like I'm in a very bad mood. And once we're not spending gazillions of dollars on Lyme treatment every month, we'll have the disposable income for a little beauty restoration. Right?

Of course, it's highly likely that the Ugly Sick Pain Face Lines will fade on their own once I'm no longer making the Ugly Sick Pain Face all the time. On my good days, and particularly during my rare good weeks, the lines do fade and I suddenly look my age again.


  1. Shamanic healing focuses on energetic and emotional "spring cleaning" and then on bringing a person back to wholeness. We often travel through life dragging all our emotional baggage with us, but this is not necessary! We can leave it all behind us and move forward into a life of happiness and freedom, and liberate ourselves from our past through Shamanic healing.
    Shamanic Healing

  2. I am sorry to hear about this about what you are going through, if i were on your shoe, i believe i would do the same especially having that ugly sick pain face lines.